Christmas is done with. for good.

Its over, finally over. for three long months now i have been enduring the consumerist bacchanal that is known to the world a Christmas. i say three months because i work in retail, meaning the Christmas decorations and promotions have been going since before we even took down the Halloween decorations. This section of the year is never pleasant. It is full of people becoming increasingly stressed from the societal demand on them to do ever increasing present shopping for more expensive gifts and the increased workload at there jobs for this time of year. From this stress they become unpleasant, taking it out on each other and the staff in shops.
This is not the season of good will. This is the season of stress, desperation and over consumption and this year i have had enough.
This has been my last Christmas.
Next year i will not be doing Christmas, next year i will be truly celebrating what i feel should be held in ones heart this time of year. Despite not classing myself as neopagan i have been, in the recent years of my life, celebrating and marking midwinter solstice. I do so by going in turn and visiting all my friends, giving them something homemade in turn. Marking the deepest and darkest time of year by seeing the ones i love has given me great fulfillment, much more than traipsing round shops to buy things. And so i have decided to give up the hollow event Christmas has become and I'm going to go for its primal cousin midwinter, marking the worlds journey from the darkest point to the lightest.
no shopping required.

picture by mordachai71 on deviantart

weekly hotness

What a beautiful video explaining about Bara. the music and cinematography have a lovely dreamy feel and the narrator is rather dishy too.
It's a pity Bara isn't more widely spread in the western world, if there is one thing I would like, it would be more images of natural and alternative men shown as attractive active in the wider culture.

Bara by Letterpress from Graham Kolbeins on Vimeo.

thanks to bear's art van for originally posting this.

mmmm man pictures

so...this gym thing....

Yyou may remember a few posts ago i talked about my desire to return to the gym and the turmoil that came of it. I felt maybe it would be best to do a little update on that for how both my body and mind have faired. The first big thing is that i have kept up with it pretty consistently and made good use of my gym membership. This, considering my track-record of starting a new gym and leaving in record time, is already a big success. I have found it helps to give myself short term goals to live up-to so i have a reason to do my gym routine and not justify procrastinating about it.
My body is changing, and far more rapidly that i thought it would. It's exciting to see my body change and to know i can exert a lot more control over my form than i thought. My shoulders are more defined, my back is expanding and i actually have biceps now! (before it was a knotted bit of string lol). It has become obvious now the reason my body didn't change before was i was working with some very bad advice. My trainer before had given me some odd workout choices that, now i know from research how my body works a bit better, seem very nonsensical. Heed this lesson kids: do your own research.
and lastly we get to the big thing; my mind. Seeing my body change and people take notice has helped keep me  in a healthy, happy state of mind about the whole thing and i can look into the mirror without seeing nothing but faults. That's not to say i haven't had to be careful. The tape measure has become my new 'frenemy'. I have had the compulsion to constantly measure my body everyday. This did me no good at all and always makes me fret about my waistline. It would be soo easy for me now that i have reached my waistline goal to just try and go that little bit further. and further. and further. As i said, i have to watch my insecurities about my cubby tummy.

so all in all? its been a good time for me.

when good sex has great effects

Sex makes us feel good. Its a fact. If done right sex is a great highlight of our time on this tiny spinning world. But last week was the first time for me that sex actually felt rejuvenating.

Last week was a time of many firsts for me, it was my first time in Spain, my fist holiday away from my family and my first bear event So for me it was a bit of an adventure. I spend several nights cruzing at the beachside party at night and flicking through the scruff app by day to find various hookups and they were all fun, but there was one that stood out to me for the effect it had.

For the rest of the evening riding the dopamine high that comes with good sex, and the days after I felt like I had been renewed, recharged and rejuvenated from the experience. It gave me a feeling that nourished me, which I hadn’t had in a good long while.

The experience itself was one hot sweaty affair and filled in my brain now in the 'great sex' folder. I had spent this holiday with my ex, whilst we are separated, was very much my partner in crime this holiday and one third of the event in question. It was late in a bar and we had ended up chatting to a Swedish gentleman who had an interest in bodybuilding. Now unlike a lot of the musclebears than hung around that week he seemed refreshingly devoid of attitude and a nice guy And had a even nicer body. When it came to a point where all three of us knew what we wanted we made are way to a cabbin in the darkroom and things got extremely sweaty.

Now it still seems odd that something which felt good for my soul happened in a plywood box but it gave me something that I needed. It was an encounter that whilst happening I became completely absorbed in. i'll admit that this is rare for me and in the process of sex my mind will plan ahead and even wander to the to do list for the day waiting for after the hookup but not this time. All my normal worries and to dos slipped completely from my mind and I was able to involve myself completely in the salty, panting, rough fun with two hot guys. This sense of freedom stayed with me long after and really marked the start of my mental holiday long after my physical holiday began.

It shows to me that sex can be more than just a bit of fun done right. Whether done with a friend or lover or even a stranger it can be a transformative, rejuvenating experience providing us with a solution to a deeper need within us.


oh and if your wondering we had the Swedish gentalman over the next day. he was considerate enough to bring hsi own handcuffs :-)

a few photos of my sir

I thought i would share a few photos of my big brother (as in too young to be called daddy) i took in our last session. im rather proud of how well they turned out as I hadn't used my camera in ages. please enjoy..