photoshoot feb 2013

2012 in review

2012 has been a huge year for me and where my life has been heading. It had felt like my life had stalled in a deep rut for the last five years. The last year of which I had been putting all my effort into heaving myself out of it. This year just one, all of my hard work has paid off and my life has exploded. Mostly in a good part. I have met and befriended so many new and amazing people, doors have opened for me and I really feel like life has started again. Though its not all been good, with change comes pain, some relationships have failed, old friends become estranged and others have changed in ways that I would not have asked for.

Where do I start? Well as the old saying goes, start at the beginning and end at the end.

Within the first day of 2012 I met a circle of geeks, kingsters, gamers, musclepups, and rubber boys. These people have shown themselves to be great people and I'm so glad I was able to get to know them and feel for the most part like I have fitted in with them. Getting to know so many people who I can share both large interests of my life in so openly and so reciprocated. True I've had other people in my life before who had some small link, but never someone who doesn’t get bored out their mind when I spend ages browsing the shelves at forbidden planet or talking about DC comics continuity.

Also for the other large element is I never thought I would find people who I would end up casually sitting about with, all clad in rubber, watching Itv's Saturday line-up simply because it feels good to wear rubber.

The old friend I lost I'm still dealing with. At the end of the day the way I form relationships and act with my friends brought into existence a situation that drove us apart. It saddens me and I miss him. In many ways he was the first person I felt like I connected with, but over time our friendship became fragile and began to break down as I started to change and come more into the kind of person who I wanted to be. Still from what I know he has moved out to a new country and seems to have found happiness there, which I'm glad about.

The other thing which I would not have chosen to go through this year was no longer having a sir. As we both evolved as people we just sort of drifted into different rolls. He is still my friend, best friend even, and we are close but he now occupies a different space in my life. Since moving away from home he and his daddy have opened there home to me when I needed it and given me a sense of support and security as my life hit the fast lane. Its also been fun being a part time house boy for them both and I can't thank them enough for being there for me. Which is probably why I ended up being puppy sitter for them.

The last, but most important relationship change has been the love of my life and I have gotten back together. Our relationship has never been an easy one simply because at my base nature I am poly-amorous and at his he is monogamous, so to find a ground where we can both feel secure, comfortable and happy has been a challenge but I think we have reached a place where that is possible. We have been able through some tough trial and error to make a framework that works for us and means we can both be happy. Right now the only thing that would make me happier is for his plans to move down to move down to London become a possibility so we could see each other more often.

With all the relationship changes done with lets move onto the biggest change in my life for a while, I have re entered academia and am studying for a degree in computer programming. For a long while I drifted through life not know what direction to take, but now I have taken this path and I am LOVING it. I’m finally being challenged, my mind is being tested and stretched and expanded and its been what I have needed for a long time now. I'm meeting new people and being introduced to new ways of thinking.

I am finally out from under my parents roof and I am loving the freedom it is giving me. To plan my own meals and not be woken up on my days off to my own timetable alone is worth its weight in gold. I had struggled this semester to find the balance of personal time, obligations and uni work but its just been a learning curve and am prepared to take on the next semester confidently by the horns. The biggest struggle I found was working in groups and people proving themselves unreliable and leaving me in the lurch the night before a projects due date.

So that's my 2012 in review. A year of a few downs but mostly on the up and up. So what’s on the agenda for 2013?

#1 aim high at uni, I want to earn a work placement at google's London branch for my third year.

#2 move in with my other half

#3 try out more play options and kinks

#4 really beef up at the gym. 2013 will be the year I get big.

fetish week, demmo's at regulation. E-stim cock vice

Following on from the previous post, the next demo we observed and took part in was a demonstration of an E-stim accessory that I doubt my partner and I will be getting, however we did have a fun time when it came to our turn at the controls. The attachment was a perspex vice, in which one of Regulation model's cock was secured in. The control box was also something special too. It used a microphone to regulate the power and intensity of the charge given meaning the louder and deeper the sound. This was fun for the sheer experimentations, and I loved seeing what my partner, a trained singer, could do with that. I will admit to taking a great amount of pleasure with this demo as the testee is a friend of ours whom has had me at his mercy in the past, hehe.
please note faces have been blurred to protect the subjects identity. this is your loss as the facial expressions he pulled are great!

E-stims website: http://www.e-stim.co.uk/index.php
The vice attachment: http://store.e-stim.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=9&products_id=65
and regulation's site: http://www.regulation-london.com/

fetish week, demos at regulation. the rubber ball

well this fetish week i didnt get to do much, but one of the events was able to attend was the demmo day at Regulation on saturday.
My partner and I had a rather informative discussion with a representative for E-Stim about all there products. This little chat was great for us as our latetst acquisition had been the basic E stim kit and we LOVED it. the amount of play and experimentation we was able to get out of just the basic sticky pads was a verifiable cornocopica of delights and so we were eager to see what other toys we could get to go along with it. It was after that that some real fun came in a demmo of the rubber ball. It sounds odd to describe but this it of kit works a huge rubber coccoon, completely encasing the user in a high pressurised rubber bubble. the volunteer to use such a thing was a friend of mine, Rubber Boy seraph.
you can find his recount of it at:
http://rubberboyseraph.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/rubber-bondage-ball-get.html
https://twitter.com/RubberBoySeraph
regulations site: http://www.regulation-london.com/shop/restraint

 

The gym thing: Ego tripping

The gym thing again.

Ego tripping

so now we will talk about my gym neurosis once again. Since starting at the gym I have found myself to be a lot happier with myself and my life. Whilst no where near as big as I was, I have kept my pot-belly, and intend to keep it that way, people now seem to be calling me an otter cub instead of a bearcub because of that. The biggest change is that I am gaining quite a lot of muscle mass. I have definition on my arms and legs and my frame is changing shape. I'm working hard to put on as much muscle mass as I can before my holiday in San Diego this June.

This change has brought about a flurry of compliments my way. People have really noticed how my body has evolved and I often hear how much thinner I am. The best point was when I was cuddling with my boyfriend and after shifting the get comfortable he looked up at me and asked me to tense my muscles again. After flexing my biceps he looked at me with a huge grin and spent the time checking out how much firmer my body had become.

So the gym is working for me this time. I am getting a body I enjoy and people are complimenting me. So where is the neurosis you may ask? What is wrong now?

The answer is that I am worried about the ego it is giving me. For a long time now the men who regularly go to the gym I always assume are egotistical narcissistic body fascists. You know them, the clique that stand in the corner of a club posing while looking disapprovingly at those who are not. I now worry in a big way that I will become like those people. Its like the moment in mean girls where the main character realises she is talking about herself so much people are board by it but she finds she can't stop.

This is a worry to me as I have noticed myself becoming more egotistical about my appearance. Though I stop and wonder why that is worse than disliking my appearance? Are we as a culture so programmed to seek improvement on ourselves from products and surgeries and diets that when we do get to a state we can be happy with ourselves we are told to then feel guilty about it?

This worry over my ego has lead me to wonder about my own prejudices. The fact that my first assumption about people that go to the gym are probably stuck up, cliquey people says more about me than it does about them.

Recently one of the new people I have been getting to know since new years is an armature body-builder with the physique of a Greek god and the strength to throw me around like a rag doll. He is not humble about his body. He himself stated he is an extremely vain child, and also a huge exhibitionist. I suspect the latter is a large part of his motivation to work for such a big body. What has stood out about him is that he seems like a great guy. He is cheerful and nice and the opposite of what gym bunnies were supposed to be in my world view.

I guess what this boils down to at the very heart of the matter is I am not worried about becoming vain or egotistical but not being a nice person any-more. Its not the idea of liking my own body so much as judging other people for theirs. To a lesser extent it's also the worry if I achieve the physique I want then people will make the same assumptions about me that I have made about others.

These worries I know will stay with me for a long time, but in a way that is a good thing. They will act as a safeguard preventing my fears coming to pass. I just have to keep reminding myself that so long as I keep an open mind and don’t look down on others for being who and what they are then I wont become a douchbag. I know myself who I am, a person who loves a wide rainbow of body types and someone who enjoys getting to know new people and new experiences. I just have to be reminded of that sometimes.

p.s. In case you are wondering, dear reader, the muscle god has promised to throw me about a wrestling mat and do all sorts of nasty things to me. When it happens in shall be sending you a full report ;-).

life as it is

Ah my dear, dear reader. I have let you down. I have been off having little adventures and such and not relaying it to you. This will be remedied very soon, and all my little tails will be recanted.

For now i just wanted to keep you up to date on my life. My social life has exploded since new-years day and i am getting to know a great new social circle of geeks and kinksters, and having many adventures along the way.
This seems to take up the lions share of the time now as it means much of my free time is spent traveling up and back to London. My wallet is beginning to feel the pinch of this for sure and i think maybe its time to look for work and housing closer to the big smoke.
i will give a brief synopsis of whats been going on in my life, in verse.

first i went to high tea with a guy that suited and booted me
he clad me in a three piece suit and fondled me with glee
for office dress was very much his cup of tea
that's why he made me role play as his Secretary.

i sped after work to a get together for pancake Tuesday
where many dressed in rubber for after pancake play
tight in latex we groped and rubbed together in a play-full way
though we were running out of rubber shinning spray

another party, a week later in the same place
saw me putting a gas mask over another guys face
with my comrades sealing him in a neoprene case
and our tickling saw him writhing with little grace

and today i had great time piggy backing a big muscle boy
of his intentions for puppy tails and wrestling he was not coy
for he seemed content to throw me about like a play toy
and his wish to do so brang me much joy

It hurts every time. We always have to say goodbye and it hurts.