tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50835540779037802142024-03-13T23:21:53.761-07:00studio mousemousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-32506755472442221702023-11-23T14:59:00.000-08:002023-11-23T14:59:02.246-08:00elcosure testmousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-82612714667292110562023-11-23T14:47:00.000-08:002023-11-23T14:47:46.473-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA_kzWimS0yeZcaEdHzLfvF3JSBJ6e0CnEPmlVih6vJd8Rk5j6mmGWMfKj9OVjyDeTVKlHXnkCg7doOvlfARpRovcaGspOSTfQ8-eg6c8IFZccX8qmNn2hzwfwkvxFYsWvmefw3WaL54Wk47iTayXU4YA5WFKVuUzX5-kCJlkDLcnudjjzoWoxcGNJ/s2560/PXL_20220830_074753799~2.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="320" data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="2560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA_kzWimS0yeZcaEdHzLfvF3JSBJ6e0CnEPmlVih6vJd8Rk5j6mmGWMfKj9OVjyDeTVKlHXnkCg7doOvlfARpRovcaGspOSTfQ8-eg6c8IFZccX8qmNn2hzwfwkvxFYsWvmefw3WaL54Wk47iTayXU4YA5WFKVuUzX5-kCJlkDLcnudjjzoWoxcGNJ/s320/PXL_20220830_074753799~2.jpg"/></a></div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-83717835933275165332014-06-18T12:21:00.000-07:002014-06-18T12:21:24.220-07:00The Gym Thing: "cutting? ugh, cutting!"<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">“You know I’m so glad bulking season is
over, I finally get to start cutting!” Said no gym goer ever!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I don’t do cutting, mostly because it’s one
of the least enjoyable things at can be done in relation to the gym. Sure,
there is the struggle with lifting weights and the soreness and stiffness that
come the day after and even the long trudging stretches of time in the cardio
section, but with all of these I feel good after with a great sense of
achievement and a flood of enorphins. When it comes to cutting I just feel
crap, and hungry, and tired and just plain miserable. Beyond this however, my
mental health starts to deteriorate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Spending a stretch of time starving myself
to the point where my body has to dig into its fat reserves are never fun. I’m
just constantly tired and hungry, so very hungry. My sex drive goes, my ability
to concentrate goes but beyond that my mental health suffers. It starts with me
feeling ratty and short tempered. I begin to see my body in a negative light
and start measuring my waist all the time. I start to feel horrible about
myself and hate how my body is. This is the biggest thing that makes cutting
repellent to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Since starting back at the gym four years
ago my relationship with my body has completely changed. I feel I relate to my
body in a much more positive way, I have gained a greater understanding of how
it works and I don’t feel powerless against it. That may seem a weird thing to
say, that I felt subjugated by my body, but I did. It seemed like my weight and
body shape were things I was trapped by. My skinny arms were something forced
on me and I couldn’t change that. If I became fatter or thinner, it was because
of reasons I didn’t understand and so felt dragged along by my body for the
ride. Now I know I can affect change on my body. I know how my activities and
eating patterns affect it. If my body starts to go in a direction I don’t want,
I can just change my behaviour and my body will respond. This feeling of
control over my own self has improved my body image to no end. I now like my
body, not for what it has changed into, but because it isn’t something that
makes me feel bad about. Its part of me, not something forced onto me. Sure
there are goals I have set to achieve in terms of body shape but I’m happy with
where I’m starting from.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">This all seems to go out the window when
cutting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The wearing down of my mental health probably
has a lot to do with this. Being miserable and tired for so long won’t do
anyone any good, but then further combined with fighting against an appetite
that I often loose against and lack of easy progress means that old feeling of
my body being an object I am forced to deal with, rather part of me, rears its
ugly head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Being a cub helps a lot with it, as I don’t
feel any social pressure to strive for the classic gay mans abs when I can have
a rubable belly instead (well most of the time, going to Hampstead heath pond
and sitting in a large group of topless gay men all with abs in speedos) so if
I feel my bellies getting beyond my comfort zone I just start clean bulking and
do a bit more cardio, which is normally enough to bring things back to where I
want them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-72526545612993379422014-05-30T03:53:00.000-07:002014-05-30T03:53:23.139-07:00Whats In a Puppy Name<h3>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.81818199157715px;">My musings on the nature of how puppy boys are named</span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I thought I
would put to paper (or more accurately, screen) some thoughts that have been
swirling about my head for a while, and lately became fuel for a conversation
with a friend. The main topic of conversation was the nature of puppy names.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Now for
full disclosure, I do not identify as a pup as many people I know do. it has
caused me some consideration as I have a lot of puppy tendencies, when the
people around me are pups I feel I can let out a side of myself that clicks
with them. The tactile, huggy, happy, in-the-moment part of my self blooms. I
have even started barking back with the pups I know. I have joked with them
that they are slowly trying to assimilate me into puppy-hood like a playful,
kinky borg collective. But I fundamentally do not feel that puppy hood as a
whole fits me. I do not have that inert ‘puppyness’ I see in others. But one
thing about puppy culture fascinates me; the names.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Names in
general fascinate me, I grew up fed on fantasy novels and Wiccan books that all
agreed names have special meaning. I have noticed that people tend to create an
online name that they use all over the internet, a name they chose for
themselves rather than their birth name. So puppy names fascinate me for the
fact that puppies never decide their own names.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">This seems alien
to me. The notion that you need another person to name you seems wrong to me,
it is a concept that does not sit right in my brain. I understand that real
dogs don’t have the language or mental setup for names, so they are always
given them by owners, and so it makes sense that a puppy boy’s name would be
given by their trainer/owner/master/generic-dom-term-here. But there is a part
of me that can’t wrap my brain around such an important part of your personal
identity being dependant on other people and because of that, often being
transient. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I have noted
the widespread use of mythological references in puppy names. My NSFW twitter
feed is filled with names from the Norse and Greek pantheon. This I wonder if
it is because of the symbolic nature of mythological characters. The Norse and Greek
myths were often anthropomorphic personifications that had very singular
character traits; Pride, wisdom, hubris, trickery, kindness, compassion etc. so
I can see why they would be popular puppy names being clear shorthand for what
a pups personality may be like. In this respect I suspect Puppy names are in their
nature are more descriptors than identifiers. As with real dogs, they tend to
have names that are more descripted of their doggy nature. How many highly
energetic, but low on attention dogs have we all met called something like ‘Sparky’ or the like. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">On my
limited experience with my own full puppy play from a play night with some
friends I was given the full mits and
muzzle treatment and was given the name Pup Scamp for the night. Which I found
fit me well in its implications of acting cute but naughty, but I can’t say I felt
any massive connection to it. It’s not like my Birth name or my ‘internet name’
of mouse that touches to a deep part of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Many
puppies change their name with a new owner. Feeling the old one no longer fits.
Is this because with each person that enters and leaves our lives we are
changed, and so the name only fits a version of the puppies self that has
passed? Or is the name works as a symbol of their relationship to another
person more than a symbol of their self? It’s a topic I wish to understand more
about but again it seems to point to the name being a descriptor rather than an
identifier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I would
love to talk with more puppies about this, because it’s something that I am
hungry to understand and really fascinated by and a subject that has given me
much thought in my wider musings of others, and my own identity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-45033606533222725412014-05-30T03:49:00.001-07:002014-05-30T03:49:06.539-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://24.media.tumblr.com/c97622e2ca7951e3ff506aae56ff3fc4/tumblr_n6ataezgGk1rogxu2o1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://24.media.tumblr.com/c97622e2ca7951e3ff506aae56ff3fc4/tumblr_n6ataezgGk1rogxu2o1_1280.jpg" width="180" /></a><a href="https://24.media.tumblr.com/299b8fb091239d0094ab2ab1ead88ccb/tumblr_n6ataezgGk1rogxu2o2_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://24.media.tumblr.com/299b8fb091239d0094ab2ab1ead88ccb/tumblr_n6ataezgGk1rogxu2o2_1280.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.81818199157715px; text-align: left;">This is my Big Bro Pete. He’s one of the dearest and most important people in my life. This weekend for a much delayed birthday present I gave him my old pair of chaps that don’t fit me anymore and boy does he look good in them. I don’t see him nearly enough as I want to as he’s living outside of London currently, but when I moved to London having him close by helped me a lot to ajust. </span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 17.81818199157715px; text-align: left;">Also, the fun we have when he I and my bf get together is insane and provided me with so many great memories.</span><br />
<br />mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-43516997929129226462013-12-05T14:04:00.001-08:002013-12-06T07:45:50.000-08:00You are feeling sleepy…. The exploration of hypnosis as a kink<h2>
You’re going under…..</h2>
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c6/Hypnotic-spiral.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c6/Hypnotic-spiral.jpg" width="200" /></a>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">I have noticed in
the kink world fetishes rise in popularity and commonality in a
voguish fashion. Now I have no empirical data to back this up, only
my own observations, so I’m not going to claim this as fact. A few
years ago it seemed like fisting was on the rise, with more people
dabbling their toes in it. Currently I think its puppy play that is
the rising star of fetishes. Many people I know are eager to explore
it and find that the nature of puppy play fits their psychology, the
kink blogs and podcasts I follow seem to be talking about puppy play
to a great degree. I’m talking about this because a fetish I have
long held now seems to be entering the up and coming category and
recently swelling in fans. I talk of course about hypnosis.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">Now the general
populace I find tend to find have a vague, often misinformed
understanding of the nature and limits of hypnosis. It is seen as a
dark and near magical art, and very few people think it could be used
for mutual sexual enjoyment. (I say mutual sexual enjoyment because
online seems to be littered with adverts promising to teach other how
to use hypnosis to pick up women and bed them. If this was possible I
believe it would count as date-rape, however as I learned, someone
can’t be made to do something they would consciously object to.)
People tend to easily see how things like rope, paddles, floggers can
fit into a sexual scenario but hypnosis is rarely ever placed in with
them. The truth of the matter is this; the cliché of the mind being
the biggest sex organ we have is true, and hypnosis is an incredible
tool for stimulating it in many strange and fantastic ways.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">My personal
fetish for hypnosis and mind control has been something quite innate,
as opposed to more recent fetishes I have gained from discovery. Like
many people who early years had an oddly specific interest in seeing
people tied up on TV or in stories and play, I always had an intense
interest whenever hypnosis was used in the media I consumed. As I
grew into an adult this grew to a full sexual fetish. Like much of my
interests the basis is the power dynamic. It features someone
submitting to another; however the nature of hypnosis takes this to a
much higher and more intense degree. As I have discovered ways to
explore this fetish I have found the fun people are able to have
doesn’t all have to be based on power exchange, it can be a much
more playful and light-hearted experience of sensory play. It came in
incredibly useful when my partner and I were living long distance and
A hypnotist I worked with gave us some verbal triggers to simulate
certain *ahem* intimate sensations when my partner and I was chatting
over Skype.</span></div>
<h4>
…<span lang="en-GB">You’re getting
curious…..you want to know more….</span></h4>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G0ACtPt6vho/UqD2BCr2UMI/AAAAAAAAD_I/yzxFKrnEdiM/s1600/Aaron-Calvert-Hypnosis-Page.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G0ACtPt6vho/UqD2BCr2UMI/AAAAAAAAD_I/yzxFKrnEdiM/s320/Aaron-Calvert-Hypnosis-Page.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">A lot of people
claim that they don’t believe they can be hypnotised. This isn’t
true as we all enter a hypnotic state multiple times a day. Don’t
think you do? Well the just think for a moment, have you ever found
your mind wandering off and daydreaming? Ever just sat in front of
the TV to let you mind rest and just passively experience the program
on TV? If the answer is yes then you have entered the mental state of
a hypnotic trance. There is nothing special to it really, it’s no
magical rare state and no one needs esoteric powers to put people in
that state. All it is, put simply is letting your minds ability to
critically analyse and examine information drop. Your brain goes into
a passive state where your mind will just accept new information it
is provided with. Don’t worry however, yourself preservation
mechanism still works in this state, so if you’re in a hypnotic
state no one can suggest to you to jump off a cliff or give out your
bank details. Anything you morally opposed to, or if it’s a concept
you naturally would be opposed to your mind won’t accept. Apart
from that your mind will accept what it’s told. If you’re told
you feel like your cold whenever you hear the word weasel, you brain
will tell you you’re feeling cold.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">This manipulation
of your perception or your senses can lead to a lot of fun. Having
trigger words or actions that set of reactions in a sub can be very
fun, especially if the sub can’t remember what these triggers are,
giving the Dom/hypnotist a lot of fun to play about with them. My
early experience with a hypnotist was a very enjoyable session where
he made me forget important information, such as my current address
or my own name before returning that information to me. This was
trippy at the time, but when he then asked me if I was sure that the
name I could remember was really my own or one he had placed there,
that was when it really got interesting. To quote Dr Frank N. Furter;
“a mental mindfuck can be nice”.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">As well as
perception play and using triggers as tools in play another common
desire I see amongst hypno fetishists is the desire for mental
transformation. A lot of them are for things like getting into puppy
headspace. A friend who in the past could never comfortably fit into
a puppy persona despite wanting to do puppy play went to see a Dom
with knowledge of hypnotism. After a session of hypnosis he reports
he easily slipped into the mind-set of a puppy and had a deeply
enjoyable time in that state. Other doms and subs like the idea of
long term changes. A popular request is for a hypnotist to help
change a person’s outlook and interests into that of more of a
jock; to be obsessed with building a muscular body and to have over
masculine behaviour. Many hypnotists are quite happy to comply with
this; the subject gets help for filling their desired goal and the
hypnotists seem to take enjoyment out of changing a person and being
able to nurture a positive change in someone.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">AS mentioned
previously my own experiences have been great, for the most part. I
started with a wonderful ‘tist who lives in Brighton. He has been
great to work with as he was very informative and able to answer a
lot of the questions both I and my partner had at the time. As
mentioned before he placed a few triggers for my other half to use
over Skype or telephone whilst we had been living apart long
distance. I have worked with one or two hypnotists since then and
enjoyed the kind of fun of having my perception played about with in
small, entertaining ways. I have also run into one or two assholes
along the way. This brings me to the point we must come to in any
discussion about fetishes and kink play: Safety.</span></div>
<h4>
…<span lang="en-GB">.you’re getting the urge
to stay safe sane and consensual…..</span></h4>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">Now as I said
before. Your self-preservation and innate senses of right and wrong
will protect you whilst you are under hypnosis, but that doesn't
mean there aren't people that won’t try and overstep boundaries,
often in some more subtle ways. I had a session fairly recently with
someone who tried to implant suggestions that I would feel a greater
sense of trust with him which, as the greater trust you have in some
means you tend to be more receptive to suggestions from them. This of
course made me feel uneasy and brought me out of trance. He then
proceeded to try and get me to only want to work with him as a sol
hypnotist and agree to things whilst he thought I was under his
influence. Needless to say I haven’t worked with him again. The
whole unethical behaviour of the session made me feel very freaked
out. Unfortunately, as with any kink or power exchange play, there
are people who will try and use the vulnerable positions people put
themselves in for play in unethical or horrible ways. So what can be
done? My advice is to take the same precautions that you would use
with any kink play. Firstly draw up a list of hard and soft limits
for yourself. It helps a great deal to clearly define your own
boundary’s in your own head. Next, when trying hypnotism out with
someone, don’t rush into things. Always, always have a discussion
to clearly define boundaries and things that make you uncomfortable.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/03/14/article-2292648-18A831A9000005DC-437_306x467.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/03/14/article-2292648-18A831A9000005DC-437_306x467.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
This is just as much about helping out the hypnotist as yourself.
Things are better when all parties involved know where they stand. I
have heard many examples of subs becoming upset after telling the
hypnotist they are ‘up for anything’ and then freaking out later
when a ‘tist crossed a personal boundary they never thought to
mention to the hypnotist they were playing with. Also get to know a
person before playing with them. Take some time to have a few
conversations with them to get a feel for them as a person. Lastly,
if you listen to pre-recorded hypnotic tapes, skip the induction and
listen to it once while fully conscious to see if someone hasn't
put some unlisted, malicious suggestions.
<br />
<h4>
…<span lang="en-GB">.and on the count of five,
you will be awake and ready for more.</span></h4>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">If you follow
these guidelines you should be safe to go ahead and enjoy all the new
avenues hypnosis play can offer you. I do suggest that everyone try
it once to explore what possibilities can be opened up by playing
with your perception, I’m sure you will be amazed. To fall back
onto a cliché I have avoided for this entire article; the brain can
be the greatest sex organ.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">For further
information on this subject I recommend the No Safeword podcasts
episodes guest starring the professional erotic hypnotist </span><span lang="en-GB">Neil</span><span lang="en-GB">:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://nosafeword.com/posts/episode-40-you-are-feeling-very-kinky/"><span style="color: #999999;">Episode
40 – You are feeling very kinky</span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://nosafeword.com/posts/ep13-last-few-inches-with-hypnosis/"><span style="color: #999999;">Episode
13 – Last few inches with hypnosis</span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://nosafeword.com/posts/ep06-neil-and-erotic-hypnosis/"><span style="color: #999999;">Episode
6 – Neil and erotic hypnosis</span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://erotic-hypno.com/"><span style="color: #999999;">Niel's
site</span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<span lang="en-GB">And for your own
exploration feel free to visit the following sites:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://www.hypnotising.org/"><span lang="en-GB" style="color: #999999;">http://www.hypnotising.org</span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://ihypnosis.socialgo.com/"><span lang="en-GB" style="color: #999999;">http://ihypnosis.socialgo.com/</span></a></div>
<span style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.35cm;">
<a href="http://www.hypno-file.com/"><span lang="en-GB" style="color: #999999;">http://www.hypno-file.com/</span></a></div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-67015782439530945852013-06-23T16:09:00.000-07:002013-06-24T01:07:08.923-07:00Life Is GoodWell dear reader, I suppose I should really get round to posting another erratic update on my life. Things have been moving steadily along in my life and seem to be getting better and better. With the expenses of moving in and a period of unemployment for me, our funds became very tight. This state of affairs in now easing thanks to my new job.<br>
<h3>
I'm employed again!</h3>
<div>
I now have work again, and so far its been a job I really enjoy. In fact its a job I have had on my life's bucket list. I now work in a fetish clothing store. That's right, I get to work with rubber and leather all day with a great group of people, many of whom I am already friends with. It's one of these new-fangaled zero hour contract deals, but I don't mind as its such a nice team to work with. I really am surprised just how different it is from working in a large corporate company. Everyone knows each other and everyone pitches in to help. You don't get clueless managers going round with paperwork badgering you to work to an unrealistic standard set by head office. It's all people who work alongside you and know what needs to be done. The shop itself is in a very nice aria with a green across the road that's wonderful to sit and have my breakfast and lunches in. Yesterday as it was the boyfriends birthday, on my lunch hour we nipped round the corner to a lovely little Cuban restaurant which served awesome food for actuality decent prices. I'm even loving the fact that I now have a proper commute into work, although I'm sure that novelty will wear off soon. All this has now given me the realization that....</div>
<h3>
I'm now a Londoner</h3>
<div>
When the hell did that happen? I now live in London. Not student halls living, but proper contract rent living. I commute on the tube to work, the bf and i have an overpriced cramped house-share to live in. I go drink over priced drinks after work so I don't have to deal with the rush hour on the transport system. We are looking in the mid-term to moving to somewhere near Vauxhall if we are lucky or somewhere like Wimbledon if we are not so lucky. I have taken to city living like a duck to water, and find it suits me down to the ground, the best part is how social I can be with everyone now. Every weekend a fun time out with friends is only 15 minuets away, now if only I could plan my days out better so i could always make it to...<br>
<h3>
The Gym.</h3>
</div>
<div>
As my membership to the student gym ended with the the university semester, I thought it would be a good time to explore further afield. I chose my local branch of the 'The Gym'. You may have come across them, they are the extremely cheap gym chain that works on the Ryan air model. The monthly payment fee is minimal, but they charge whenever they can. I was shocked to find even the lockers were not coin operated models that are the standard in most gyms or swimming pools. No, you had to bring your own padlock, or purchase a 'The Gym' branded one from a nearby vending machine. Luckily next-door is one of those 99pence shops, the chain that have filled the corpses left by the demise of Woolworth, that sold a sturdier padlock for only a pound. If you are smart and prepare ahead of time to get the extras you will need cheaper elsewhere 'The Gyms' can be great value Now they gym itself isn't bad, however I find most of the gym is dedicated to cardio machines. Apart from dumbbells, the weights section is under supplied and over populated. I've given up on hoping to get the Olympic bar with so many other people prowling around waiting for it to become free. Also, as often as I griped about the disorderly nature of the patrons of my last gym, this gym is worse. I just don't get why it is so hard for people to put weights back in the correct order.</div>
<div>
The eye candy here however is a counterweight to my frustration. I seem to have struck it lucky with a plethora of cute cubby boys getting all sweaty as they work hard.</div>
<div>
My body is developing nicely, if slowly. Although that is my own lax attitude to the gym. The kind of gains I really would like to make can only be quickly achieved by not letting life get in the way and planing everything around gym visits and a strict eating schedule. The latter I have been improving upon with a much better diet, but meals as a social ritual for bonding and pleasure are too important to me to give up to a regime structured around only fueling the body.</div>
<div>
My attitude about my body had been flailing wildly over the spectrum, at times I am fine with my body and like what I see, at others I feel like I have too much of a muffin top and belly and wish to downsize, and others I feel good about my belly but wish my arms and pectorals were better. It is my belief that everyone feels like this from time to time and we live in a day and age where people cannot have a constantly positive body image. I know many people that really hate their bodies all the time and I'm glad i can look at mine, when in a good state of mind, and appreciate what i see in the mirror for its good points. Over all I have become quite secure in my physical identity, lately however I have been thinking about the implications of my inability to find a clear sociological/mental identity.<br>
<h3>
Existential identity pondering</h3>
</div>
<div>
This deserves its own blog post to fully explain the thoughts and uncertainties I have on this subject, and I will produce one in time. The short explanation is that with few real troubles in my life now my brain has seen fit to find lesser troubles to bother me with. I have found myself mulling over my lack concerted identity that I could identify myself with. Many others in my social circle have this privilege; they are puppy boys, furies, muscle boys, cubs, bears, rubbermen, leathermen, slaves and owned boys. None of the commonly used identifers comfortably fit me. As I have explored these avenues I have found none are for me and I struggle to explain to people who I am and what I enjoy. This may sound silly, but in the kinky world having a pre-made role to use as a shorthand for what you want and will do is a common and useful tool that also helps foster a sense of belonging to a community. As I stated before, this will be its own post and will explain it fully then. Until then I will simply say that my life at the moment is going well and i hope it lasts for a good long while.</div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-10480222741917850752013-02-18T03:05:00.000-08:002013-02-18T03:05:19.701-08:00I love causing pain<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>I
love causing pain. </b></span>This has taken a long time for me to
come to admit. And the reason behind my inability to admit this is is
very much at the core of why I think I have developed a sadistic
streak.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The
how</b></span></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
should start with the event a few weeks back that started this ball
rolling. I had a session with a friend of mine whom I have played
with before. He has a lovely collection of toys and gear and seems to
bring out something new when playing together. I have a great time
with him since many of his sexual fetishes match up with mine. This
play session ended up being a little different from before.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
came wearing my knee high boots and I we had planed a boot
worshiping session. Now I am always interested of the affect of an
outward appearance on someones persona, “clothes make the man” as
the saying goes, so I enjoy the confidence wearing a well shined pair
of knee-high grinders bestows on my sense of self. I was also nervous
about being the one who’s boots were to be worshiped. I am in no
way a natural Dom. Giving orders, making decisions and having the
confidence in my own right to take the lead are not things I have.
Normally.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">This
night was different, and I found myself naturally taking the lead and
then a dominant role. I think this was easy as my own fetishes are so
closely mirrored by my playmates I could naturally just divine from
my own fantasies about being topped in the same situation, but it was
after we was done with bootworship when I really began to experience
something new. I was asked by my playmate to tie him up and use
various implements on his body and balls. Crops, canes, floggers and
boxing gloves were all employed as I worked him over. As I did so, I
found myself enjoying each instrument more and more. The different
yelps and gasps of air and moans I could encourage all brought out a
deep sense of both satisfaction and curiosity within me.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><i>How
far could I go? </i></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><i>Would
changing the angle or the motion in my arm do? </i></span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><i>How
can I hurt him more?</i></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">As
these thoughts ran through my head I began to see how much enjoyment
I was deriving from not just the experimentation, but the act itself.
The little yelps and grunts brought me happiness as it was a symptom
of the affect I was having on this person. The act of being able to
inflict this on someone was deeply satisfying and for filling to me
and it has not be said, tho erotic, not in a sexual way.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><b>The
why</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Its
taken me a long while to examine the why in my head. The answer
really comes out as who I am as a person. Who I am all day, every
day. And that person is someone that tries to be nice and helpful. I
have developed a deep and driving need to please those who I care
about. Even people I don’t know I will be kind to. I feel on a very
deep level that in this life we all have to treat others the best way
we can because that’s the only way the world becomes a better
place. Being rude or nasty to people because I am angry or annoyed is
no excuse. Its failure to do so. This coupled with my need to please,
to make sure those in my life are cared for brought happiness means I
feel constantly pressured to never hurt others. So letting myself
have license to let go of this driving imperative in my head is very
satisfying. In a situation where I can cause someone else pain, to
hurt them, and for them to enjoy it and want that from me lets me
have a loop hole from the rules in my brain.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
get to be naughty, and nasty. I get to be bad for once. And that is a
powerful notion to me. Not to be the meek little mousey boy being
quiet to appease the turbulent and rupturing world around him but to
be free of all the needs of others is all held in the smack of the
crop and the singing whistle of the Cain. As I made clear earlier in
this post. Its all very new to me but I would love to try it much
more in the future.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-79985815511651486212013-01-28T14:35:00.001-08:002013-01-28T14:35:27.583-08:00photoshoot feb 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-41666270550621604002013-01-05T14:26:00.002-08:002013-01-05T14:26:29.573-08:002012 in review<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">2012
has been a huge year for me and where my life has been heading. It
had felt like my life had stalled in a deep rut for the last five
years. The last year of which I had been putting all my effort into
heaving myself out of it. This year just one, all of my hard work has
paid off and my life has exploded. Mostly in a good part. I have met
and befriended so many new and amazing people, doors have opened for
me and I really feel like life has started again. Though its not all
been good, with change comes pain, some relationships have failed,
old friends become estranged and others have changed in ways that I
would not have asked for.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Where
do I start? Well as the old saying goes, start at the beginning and
end at the end.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Within
the first day of 2012 I met a circle of geeks, kingsters, gamers,
musclepups, and rubber boys. These people have shown themselves to be
great people and I'm so glad I was able to get to know them and feel
for the most part like I have fitted in with them. Getting to know so
many people who I can share both large interests of my life in so
openly and so reciprocated. True I've had other people in my life
before who had some small link, but never someone who doesn’t get
bored out their mind when I spend ages browsing the shelves at
forbidden planet or talking about DC comics continuity.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Also
for the other large element is I never thought I would find people
who I would end up casually sitting about with, all clad in rubber,
watching Itv's Saturday line-up simply because it feels good to wear
rubber.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The
old friend I lost I'm still dealing with. At the end of the day the
way I form relationships and act with my friends brought into
existence a situation that drove us apart. It saddens me and I miss
him. In many ways he was the first person I felt like I connected
with, but over time our friendship became fragile and began to break
down as I started to change and come more into the kind of person who
I wanted to be. Still from what I know he has moved out to a new
country and seems to have found happiness there, which I'm glad
about.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The
other thing which I would not have chosen to go through this year was
no longer having a sir. As we both evolved as people we just sort of
drifted into different rolls. He is still my friend, best friend
even, and we are close but he now occupies a different space in my
life. Since moving away from home he and his daddy have opened there
home to me when I needed it and given me a sense of support and
security as my life hit the fast lane. Its also been fun being a part
time house boy for them both and I can't thank them enough for being
there for me. Which is probably why I ended up being puppy sitter for
them.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The
last, but most important relationship change has been the love of my
life and I have gotten back together. Our relationship has never been
an easy one simply because at my base nature I am poly-amorous and at
his he is monogamous, so to find a ground where we can both feel
secure, comfortable and happy has been a challenge but I think we
have reached a place where that is possible. We have been able
through some tough trial and error to make a framework that works for
us and means we can both be happy. Right now the only thing that
would make me happier is for his plans to move down to move down to
London become a possibility so we could see each other more often. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">With
all the relationship changes done with lets move onto the biggest
change in my life for a while, I have re entered academia and am
studying for a degree in computer programming. For a long while I
drifted through life not know what direction to take, but now I have
taken this path and I am LOVING it. I’m finally being challenged,
my mind is being tested and stretched and expanded and its been what
I have needed for a long time now. I'm meeting new people and being
introduced to new ways of thinking. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I
am finally out from under my parents roof and I am loving the freedom
it is giving me. To plan my own meals and not be woken up on my days
off to my own timetable alone is worth its weight in gold. I had
struggled this semester to find the balance of personal time,
obligations and uni work but its just been a learning curve and am
prepared to take on the next semester confidently by the horns. The
biggest struggle I found was working in groups and people proving
themselves unreliable and leaving me in the lurch the night before a
projects due date.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">So
that's my 2012 in review. A year of a few downs but mostly on the up
and up. So what’s on the agenda for 2013?</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">#1
aim high at uni, I want to earn a work placement at google's London
branch for my third year.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">#2
move in with my other half</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">#3
try out more play options and kinks</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">#4
really beef up at the gym. 2013 will be the year I get big.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-5469085833109126182012-07-16T11:57:00.000-07:002012-07-17T15:13:13.303-07:00fetish week, demmo's at regulation. E-stim cock viceFollowing on from the previous post, the next demo we observed and took part in was a demonstration of an E-stim accessory that I doubt my partner and I will be getting, however we did have a fun time when it came to our turn at the controls. The attachment was a perspex vice, in which one of Regulation model's cock was secured in. The control box was also something special too. It used a microphone to regulate the power and intensity of the charge given meaning the louder and deeper the sound. This was fun for the sheer experimentations, and I loved seeing what my partner, a trained singer, could do with that. I will admit to taking a great amount of pleasure with this demo as the testee is a friend of ours whom has had me at his mercy in the past, hehe.<br />
please note faces have been blurred to protect the subjects identity. this is your loss as the facial expressions he pulled are great!<br />
<br />
E-stims website: <a href="http://www.e-stim.co.uk/index.php">http://www.e-stim.co.uk/index.php</a><br />
The vice attachment: <a href="http://store.e-stim.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=9&products_id=65">http://store.e-stim.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=9&products_id=65</a><br />
and regulation's site: <a href="http://www.regulation-london.com/">http://www.regulation-london.com/</a><br />
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<br />mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-6839258144732430332012-07-15T13:08:00.000-07:002012-07-15T13:57:34.540-07:00fetish week, demos at regulation. the rubber ballwell this fetish week i didnt get to do much, but one of the events was able to attend was the demmo day at Regulation on saturday.<br />
My partner and I had a rather informative discussion with a representative for E-Stim about all there products. This little chat was great for us as our latetst acquisition had been the basic E stim kit and we LOVED it. the amount of play and experimentation we was able to get out of just the basic sticky pads was a verifiable cornocopica of delights and so we were eager to see what other toys we could get to go along with it. It was after that that some real fun came in a demmo of the rubber ball. It sounds odd to describe but this it of kit works a huge rubber coccoon, completely encasing the user in a high pressurised rubber bubble. the volunteer to use such a thing was a friend of mine, Rubber Boy seraph.<br />
you can find his recount of it at:<br />
<a href="http://rubberboyseraph.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/rubber-bondage-ball-get.html">http://rubberboyseraph.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/rubber-bondage-ball-get.html</a>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/RubberBoySeraph">https://twitter.com/RubberBoySeraph</a><br />
regulations site: <a href="http://www.regulation-london.com/shop/restraint">http://www.regulation-london.com/shop/restraint</a><br />
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</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-22574170991902652232012-04-18T13:41:00.002-07:002012-04-18T13:41:57.956-07:00The gym thing: Ego tripping<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The gym thing again.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Ego tripping</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
so now we will talk
about my gym neurosis once again. Since starting at the gym I have
found myself to be a lot happier with myself and my life. Whilst no
where near as big as I was, I have kept my pot-belly, and intend to
keep it that way, people now seem to be calling me an otter cub
instead of a bearcub because of that. The biggest change is that I am
gaining quite a lot of muscle mass. I have definition on my arms and
legs and my frame is changing shape. I'm working hard to put on as
much muscle mass as I can before my holiday in San Diego this June.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This change has brought
about a flurry of compliments my way. People have really noticed how
my body has evolved and I often hear how much thinner I am. The best
point was when I was cuddling with my boyfriend and after shifting
the get comfortable he looked up at me and asked me to tense my
muscles again. After flexing my biceps he looked at me with a huge
grin and spent the time checking out how much firmer my body had
become.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So the gym is working
for me this time. I am getting a body I enjoy and people are
complimenting me. So where is the neurosis you may ask? What is wrong
now?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The answer is that I am
worried about the ego it is giving me. For a long time now the men
who regularly go to the gym I always assume are egotistical
narcissistic body fascists. You know them, the clique that stand in
the corner of a club posing while looking disapprovingly at those who
are not. I now worry in a big way that I will become like those
people. Its like the moment in mean girls where the main character
realises she is talking about herself so much people are board by it
but she finds she can't stop.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This is a worry to me
as I have noticed myself becoming more egotistical about my
appearance. Though I stop and wonder why that is worse than disliking
my appearance? Are we as a culture so programmed to seek improvement
on ourselves from products and surgeries and diets that when we do
get to a state we can be happy with ourselves we are told to then
feel guilty about it?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This worry over my ego
has lead me to wonder about my own prejudices. The fact that my
first assumption about people that go to the gym are probably stuck
up, cliquey people says more about me than it does about them.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Recently one of the new
people I have been getting to know since new years is an armature
body-builder with the physique of a Greek god and the strength to
throw me around like a rag doll. He is not humble about his body. He
himself stated he is an extremely vain child, and also a huge
exhibitionist. I suspect the latter is a large part of his motivation
to work for such a big body. What has stood out about him is that he
seems like a great guy. He is cheerful and nice and the opposite of
what gym bunnies were supposed to be in my world view.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I guess what this boils
down to at the very heart of the matter is I am not worried about
becoming vain or egotistical but not being a nice person any-more.
Its not the idea of liking my own body so much as judging other
people for theirs. To a lesser extent it's also the worry if I
achieve the physique I want then people will make the same
assumptions about me that I have made about others.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
These worries I know
will stay with me for a long time, but in a way that is a good thing.
They will act as a safeguard preventing my fears coming to pass. I
just have to keep reminding myself that so long as I keep an open
mind and don’t look down on others for being who and what they are
then I wont become a douchbag. I know myself who I am, a person who
loves a wide rainbow of body types and someone who enjoys getting to
know new people and new experiences. I just have to be reminded of
that sometimes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
p.s. In case you are
wondering, dear reader, the muscle god has promised to throw me about
a wrestling mat and do all sorts of nasty things to me. When it
happens in shall be sending you a full report ;-).</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-63376119351861229222012-03-11T14:47:00.001-07:002012-03-11T14:47:27.275-07:00life as it is<b id="internal-source-marker_0.8563173867296427"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ah my dear, dear reader. I have let you down. I have been off having little adventures and such and not relaying it to you. This will be remedied very soon, and all my little tails will be recanted.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For now i just wanted to keep you up to date on my life. My social life has exploded since new-years day and i am getting to know a great new social circle of geeks and kinksters, and having many adventures along the way.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This seems to take up the lions share of the time now as it means much of my free time is spent traveling up and back to London. My wallet is beginning to feel the pinch of this for sure and i think maybe its time to look for work and housing closer to the big smoke.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i will give a brief synopsis of whats been going on in my life, in verse.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">first i went to high tea with a guy that suited and booted me</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he clad me in a three piece suit and fondled me with glee</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">for office dress was very much his cup of tea</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that's why he made me role play as his Secretary.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i sped after work to a get together for pancake Tuesday</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">where many dressed in rubber for after pancake play</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tight in latex we groped and rubbed together in a play-full way</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">though we were running out of rubber shinning spray</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">another party, a week later in the same place</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">saw me putting a gas mask over another guys face</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with my comrades sealing him in a neoprene case</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and our tickling saw him writhing with little grace</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and today i had great time piggy backing a big muscle boy</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of his intentions for puppy tails and wrestling he was not coy</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">for he seemed content to throw me about like a play toy</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and his wish to do so brang me much joy</span></b>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-64022547936073077742012-02-05T11:44:00.001-08:002012-02-05T11:44:49.054-08:00<div><p>It hurts every time. We always have to say goodbye and it hurts.</p>
</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-50172211871377893252012-01-25T03:48:00.000-08:002012-01-25T03:48:59.094-08:00sexlog 15.1.12<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">In which our hero
learns to shift his weight, a flying kick is administered to the
balls and the best angle on a man is appreciated.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
“you know, I think
this has to be my favourite angle to view a man.” these are the
thoughts that run through my head as a cock is slid down into my
throat. I say slid in because I am in a very passive position. My
hands are tied behind my back and tauntly roped to my feet, leaving
me quite immobile . My play partner is on top pressing his lovely
thick cock down my throat, meaning I am looking up from between his
thighs, passed the balls that are pressing down on my nostrils to the
lovely mounds of his buttocks. The musk of the balls, feel of his
cock filling my mouth and the sight of his ass is a very potent mix
indeed.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The only sight that
matches it greets me later when his weight bears down on top of me as
I am forced to rim him and I see the terrain of his back stretching
out above me. The mountains of his shoulder blades in the distance,
parted by the valley of his spine leading to the hills of his ass
right in-front of my eyes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
My play partner is M.
who I mentioned in my posting on the new years day Recon event. After
much twitter flirting it was felt that a meet-up would be in order,
so I shlocked my ass into London and over to his place. Well things
very quickly heated up once I was through the door I soon found
myself on the bed being sucked and kissed while my hands were roped
behind my back. Once I was hog-tied it was a fun while of the
aforementioned forced sucking and rimming till my tongue ached.
Something that I particularly like is the fact that I was expected to
still move and shift my own weight while tied up. Oh don’t get me
wrong, a man dragging me round the room and manhandling me into
position is hot for me but having to wiggle and struggle really
highlighted how vulnerable I was. It also made me feel like I was
having to work to get to suck my tops cock.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
After a while of this
there was a quick rearrange of my limbs so my arms were tied to the
corners of the bed my exposed balls were weighted down, by way of a
ball stretcher, to a spare trainer left on the floor. Then a but-plug
was produced and slowly drove into me. With my ass filled and nuts
constantly tugged I found it a but harder to concentrate on the tick
cock that was once again being shoved into my mouth, but I didn’t
have to worry about that for too long. Once I was loose and relaxed
enough it came time to be untied for something a bit more intimate.
Now M. has a lovely thick bodied cock that felt great filling my
mouth but being a bit of a novice fuckee I found it a little hard to
take at first. It was on the second attempt, once we had re-arranged
into a spooning position, that he was able to push into me and I was
able to feel him stretch and fill me without too much pain. We build
up the rhythm slowly, with him taking small gentle movements until I
started to loosen up more. The small rocking grew into full grown
thrusts soon enough as he was pinning my leg back to get deeper into
me as I pushed into him. It was a long while we kept this up until I
felt the need to cum. We shifted so I was on my back with my ass in
the air and he thrust down on top of me. As he drove deep into me I
began to wildly jerk my cock to climax where I covered myself in
thick viscose strands.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The glow of the sexual
endorphin high lasted a long time, with a nice, long, sticky,
cuddling session with occasional snogging. When it came time to
finally move about again, I first had to take of the ball stretcher.
M started by tugging at the shoelace that launched the shoe right
into my balls.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I'm *assured* this
flying kick was not intentional CBT but an accident. Lol.</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-22660554939324694102012-01-03T14:03:00.000-08:002012-01-03T14:03:57.753-08:00the new year party<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">The new year</span></b></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">In which out hero has an enforced quiet night in. a training implement is given, and the joys of new friends.</span></b></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
well I brought in the
new year in a very quiet way; I lost my voice from a bad throat and
cold I have been battling with since Christmas and it hit me hardest
new years. As a result I stayed in bed for the big countdown
listening to the NYE Hogmany celebration on BBC radio Scotland.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The next day however
was a very different story.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Feeling much better I
packed my bag and headed into London where I checked myself into a
travel lodge (where expectations of budget lodgings go to die) and
went off to have myself a fun night out of debauchery at the London
full fetish event hosted by recon. It had been a long while since I
stayed out for a club and it was a much needed break and relaxation.
Though come to think of it relaxation may not be the right word.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Where to start?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As well as catching up
with an old friend, my big bro and his daddy I met some new people
that ensured I had a very good night. The big Bro and I caught up and
finally was able to exchange Christmas presents. I had bought him a
white wrestling singlet that gets see through when stretched. I am
hoping it looks as fine as I imagine it might, but I will have to
wait till next time I see him for that. He, on the other had, got me
a Christmas present which did get used that night, mostly by him ON
me. He got me a ridding crop. For much of the night he was gleefully
taking swipes at my butt whenever the opportunity presented itself.
This caught the attention of a group of friends standing nearby us
and turned out to be a great conversation starter with them. We
chatted for a bit and got to know them and they all seemed a great
bunch. For privacy reasons I will not talk about all of them and
those I do I will refer to as S,M and A from this point.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It wasn’t long before
the conversation broadened and I brought up the fact that S had a
flogger on him, which he kindly demonstrated on me. For the rest of
the night the party referred to me as 'S's new toy' which I found to
be a real turn on. I was very much passed around that group to be
groped, fondled, snoged, tickled and made to lick and suck. A, a
large muscular guy my age, used a few wrestling moves to lock me in
place while I was played with by the rest. Another mention was a
rubber clad cutie, M, I found to be a great kisser, among other
things.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So I left that night
far more satisfied than I have been in a long time and knowing a few
new people whom I am sure will bring even more good times. So not a
bad start to the new year.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Im hoping event picks
will show soon, I will post here if the do.</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-20177552244691680612011-12-26T05:39:00.000-08:002011-12-26T05:54:24.346-08:00Christmas is done with. for good.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444; color: white;">
</span><br />
<div class="western" style="background: transparent; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #444444; color: white;">
<span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Its
over, finally over. for three long months now i have been enduring
the consumerist bacchanal that is known to the world a Christmas. i
say three months because i work in retail, meaning the Christmas
decorations and promotions have been going since before we even took
down the Halloween decorations. This section of the year is never
pleasant. It is full of people becoming increasingly stressed from
the societal demand on them to do ever increasing present shopping
for more expensive gifts and the increased workload at there jobs for
this time of year. From this stress they become unpleasant, taking it
out on each other and the staff in shops.</span></span><br /><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">This
is not the season of good will. This is the season of stress,
desperation and over consumption and this year i have had
enough.</span></span><br /><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">This
has been my last Christmas.</span></span><br /><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next
year i will not be doing Christmas, next year i will be truly
celebrating what i feel should be held in ones heart this time of
year. Despite not classing myself as neopagan i have been, in the
recent years of my life, celebrating and marking midwinter solstice.
I do so by going in turn and visiting all my friends, giving them
something homemade in turn. Marking the deepest and darkest time of
year by seeing the ones i love has given me great fulfillment, much
more than traipsing round shops to buy things. And so i have decided
to give up the hollow event Christmas has become and I'm going to go
for its primal cousin midwinter, marking the worlds journey from the
darkest point to the lightest.</span></span><br /><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">no
shopping required.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div>
<b><span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="320" src="http://th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/354/8/7/this_cold_december_night____by_mordachai71-d4joq7j.jpg" width="320" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: xx-small; white-space: normal;">picture by </span><a class="u" href="http://mordachai71.deviantart.com/" style="background-attachment: initial !important; background-clip: initial !important; background-image: initial !important; background-origin: initial !important; border-bottom-width: 0px !important; border-color: initial !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-style: initial !important; border-top-width: 0px !important; color: rgb(25, 107, 167) !important; display: inline-block; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small; font-weight: bold; line-height: 17px; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: normal; zoom: 1;">mordachai71</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: xx-small; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"> on deviantart</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2010/002/3/4/bleak_midwinter_wallpapers_by_mordachai71.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-52389041321477278172011-10-29T10:45:00.001-07:002011-10-29T10:45:20.964-07:00weekly hotness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltmkdrq5F41qgb0w5o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltmkdrq5F41qgb0w5o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-25697061084240654932011-10-26T15:03:00.000-07:002011-10-26T15:03:59.578-07:00What a beautiful video explaining about Bara. the music and cinematography have a lovely dreamy feel and the narrator is rather dishy too.<br />
It's a pity Bara isn't more widely spread in the western world, if there is one thing I would like, it would be more images of natural and alternative men shown as attractive active in the wider culture.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="338" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/31124972?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="601"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/31124972">Bara by Letterpress</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/grahamk">Graham Kolbeins</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
<br />
thanks to <a href="http://bearsasart.blogspot.com/">bear's art van</a> for originally posting this.mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-70127741712756087942011-10-13T15:17:00.001-07:002011-10-13T15:17:38.163-07:00mmmm man pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lozz6jqtRu1qf809po1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lozz6jqtRu1qf809po1_500.jpg" width="234" /></a></div>
<br />mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-55122908225044458962011-10-06T13:55:00.000-07:002011-10-06T13:55:30.730-07:00so...this gym thing....Yyou may remember a few posts ago i talked about my desire to return to the gym and the turmoil that came of it. I felt maybe it would be best to do a little update on that for how both my body and mind have faired. The first big thing is that i have kept up with it pretty consistently and made good use of my gym membership. This, considering my track-record of starting a new gym and leaving in record time, is already a big success. I have found it helps to give myself short term goals to live up-to so i have a reason to do my gym routine and not justify procrastinating about it.<br />
My body is changing, and far more rapidly that i thought it would. It's exciting to see my body change and to know i can exert a lot more control over my form than i thought. My shoulders are more defined, my back is expanding and i actually have biceps now! (before it was a knotted bit of string lol). It has become obvious now the reason my body didn't change before was i was working with some very bad advice. My trainer before had given me some odd workout choices that, now i know from research how my body works a bit better, seem very nonsensical. Heed this lesson kids: do your own research.<br />
and lastly we get to the big thing; my mind. Seeing my body change and people take notice has helped keep me in a healthy, happy state of mind about the whole thing and i can look into the mirror without seeing nothing but faults. That's not to say i haven't had to be careful. The tape measure has become my new 'frenemy'. I have had the compulsion to constantly measure my body everyday. This did me no good at all and always makes me fret about my waistline. It would be soo easy for me now that i have reached my waistline goal to just try and go that little bit further. and further. and further. As i said, i have to watch my insecurities about my cubby tummy.<br />
<br />
so all in all? its been a good time for me.mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-65277083454887143022011-09-21T13:52:00.001-07:002011-09-21T13:58:32.855-07:00when good sex has great effects<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sex makes us feel good.
Its a fact. If done right sex is a great highlight of our time on
this tiny spinning world. But last week was the first time for me
that sex actually felt rejuvenating.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Last week was a time of
many firsts for me, it was my first time in Spain, my fist holiday
away from my family and my first bear event So for me it was a bit of
an adventure. I spend several nights cruzing at the beachside party
at night and flicking through the scruff app by day to find various
hookups and they were all fun, but there was one that stood out to me
for the effect it had.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
For the rest of the
evening riding the dopamine high that comes with good sex, and the
days after I felt like I had been renewed, recharged and rejuvenated
from the experience. It gave me a feeling that nourished me, which I
hadn’t had in a good long while.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The experience itself
was one hot sweaty affair and filled in my brain now in the 'great
sex' folder. I had spent this holiday with my ex, whilst we are
separated, was very much my partner in crime this holiday and one
third of the event in question. It was late in a bar and we had ended
up chatting to a Swedish gentleman who had an interest in
bodybuilding. Now unlike a lot of the musclebears than hung around
that week he seemed refreshingly devoid of attitude and a nice guy
And had a even nicer body. When it came to a point where all three of
us knew what we wanted we made are way to a cabbin in the darkroom
and things got extremely sweaty.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Now it still seems odd
that something which felt good for my soul happened in a plywood box
but it gave me something that I needed. It was an encounter that
whilst happening I became completely absorbed in. i'll admit that
this is rare for me and in the process of sex my mind will plan ahead
and even wander to the to do list for the day waiting for after the
hookup but not this time. All my normal worries and to dos slipped
completely from my mind and I was able to involve myself completely
in the salty, panting, rough fun with two hot guys. This sense of freedom
stayed with me long after and really marked the start of my mental
holiday long after my physical holiday began.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It shows to me that sex
can be more than just a bit of fun done right. Whether done with a
friend or lover or even a stranger it can be a transformative,
rejuvenating experience providing us with a solution to a deeper need
within us.<br />
<br />
<br />
oh and if your wondering we had the Swedish gentalman over the next day. he was considerate enough to bring hsi own handcuffs :-)</div>
mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-3297904415560577952011-08-24T02:44:00.000-07:002011-08-24T02:44:09.632-07:00a few photos of my sirI thought i would share a few photos of my big brother (as in too young to be called daddy) i took in our last session. im rather proud of how well they turned out as I hadn't used my camera in ages. please enjoy..<br />
<embed flashvars="host=picasaweb.google.com&hl=en_US&feat=flashalbum&RGB=0x000000&feed=https%3A%2F%2Fpicasaweb.google.com%2Fdata%2Ffeed%2Fapi%2Fuser%2Fz99mouse%2Falbumid%2F5644349072809844257%3Falt%3Drss%26kind%3Dphoto%26hl%3Den_US" height="267" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" src="https://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/bin/slideshow.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400"></embed>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5083554077903780214.post-56441843359049676382011-07-01T08:20:00.001-07:002011-07-01T08:20:53.554-07:00to gym or not to gym<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">Not many people know that I, a lot of the time, feel live several people crammed into one slightly too cramped skull. I'm not crazy by the way, I just <i>feel </i><span style="font-style: normal;">like I have multiple personality. It happens every time I need to make a decision.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-style: normal;">And this decision is one that happens about the same time of each year and, as per usual, my phychie splits itself in two and starts to wildly bicker as I watch on unsure who to side with. I am talking about of coarse the desire to go back to the gym.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-style: normal;">Its an affliction that pops up about the same time each year, around the time when the weather gets sunny and the surplus sunlight gives me a boost of energy and motivation to everything I do. Part of me, the hankering half that wants to join, compels me to go telling me that if I do I might stop hating how thin my arms are, or stop getting that bad feeling inside when the wrist wallet still slides up and down on the tightest setting, thus proving to me that I have the wrists the size of a teen-aged girl.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-style: normal;">The other half, upon hearing this, gets lathered up into a righteous rage. </span><i>How DARE you craig! </i><span style="font-style: normal;">It trembles in the tone reserved for people that believe what they read in the daily mail. </span><i>How dare you think that, its an utter betrayal of your ideals. Your a bad Buddhist for being unhappy with what you have! your a Bad member of the bear community for not accepting your body as it is! Don’t you remember what happened last time?</i></div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">And that’s the thing, I do remember. I remember the first time I joined a gym. I remember being dedicated to it for a good two years. I remember working hard and putting the time in even when it meant a cold and rain drenched journey out in winter to go to the gym. I remember going and nothing changing. Despite doing what my instructor told me my body not changing.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">Then I remember how I felt. I remember what started at a dissatisfaction of my body growing into something more powerful, like disgust.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">And I remember how after two years it ended with a moment of realisation.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">This realisation came at a LGBT youth group I had attended. Two of my friends at the time were comparing there torsos and admiring how many ribs they were showing.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">Let me just repeat that if you missed the point of that moment: they were congratulating and admiring the fact that they were unhealthily thin and emaciated enough to be showing internal parts of there body.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">At that point I realised it wasn’t my body that needed to change, it was my viewpoint of it. So I quit the gym and ate things that were delicious and filling instead of healthy and bland and I didn’t gain that much to be honest, I seem to have a very set body shape and metabolism either way. Soon after I found out about the bear community and a latent attraction to the urine gentlemen which lead to me loving my own little belly in turn. When a friend told me I should suck in my belly at a pride event a year or two ago I told him, in a friendly way, to fuck of and If people went attracted to me for what I have then its no worry of mine.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">To this day my belly doesn’t bother me. I still don't wish to be thin, I don't long to display cobblestone abs and they generally are not an attractive quality to me. I’ve found I’m a lot happier this way.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">But my arms do still bother me. Its something that had persisted and reared its ugly head time and again. If I am to have a belly, could I at least not get big arms maybe a wide back to round of my frame? Please?</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">So here I am again. I've re-joined a gym. The two camps inside my head have formed into an uneasy coalition government over this matter now. It was negotiated out that I can have a go at building up my upper body muscles on the conditions that A) I feel tremendous guilt for wanting to do so, B) watch carefully I do not become one of those people who lives in the gym and does nothing but talk about the gym with other people that live in the gym and C) if I ever go near the state of mind I went to last time, I will quit there and then.</div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">I suppose I’m like someone who after burning themselves on a hot stove is frightened to try cooking again because they could get burnt again. I just have to keep telling myself if I’m careful I can safely bake a nice beefcake. And if I do end up getting burnt again I suppose I will just have to rely on my skills at tossing a salad. </div><div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div>mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05794939454444006774noreply@blogger.com0